Spring is full on!

Well, here in the New Orleans area, it's beginning to feel a lot like summer.  Humidity has arrived, as well as afternoon thunderstorms and the heat is rising into the high 80's, and up to 90 by the end of the week.  Our summer is everyone else's winter - stay in doors and sew!!

I've been stalking and lurking around a lot of quilting these days on Facebook and blogs.  I continue to pursue new ideas to try to move past my first quilt.  It is finally complete, and I love it so much!!

Doesn't Bonnie Hunter (quiltville.com) create beautiful designs?  I mean, I was a beginner and I was able to follow her well-crafted instructions and come out with this little beauty!!  It is now in my grandson's crib.  This design was called Celtic Solstice, and it was her 2013 Mystery Quilt.  Just can't say enough about how awesome the experience was.

So then I buy this book that was on sale one week on the Martingale website.  I dived in to creating a medallion quilt, designed after an antique Irish quilt from this book "Quilts from Across the Pond".  The instructions/measurements are way off.  I've learned that not all designers are equal...  And now I will learn how to adjust a pattern as I go and will be a good experience for me.  As usual, it will take me some time, but I'll post some of my progress in the next few weeks.

In my grandmother world, my daughter is about to have her next baby - we don't know if it's a boy or girl and I'm praying very hard that it is healthy.  They've postponed delivery because of a low heartbeat and are doing tests.  She is re-scheduled for next Wednesday. 


I am grateful for this day, for my family and for some time to be creative!!

Allie

Three years later??

CATCHING UP
I've been on this journey for almost 4 years (really??!!), figuring out the next segment of my life.  The cancer came back in Sept. 2010, requiring another surgery.  More chemo until April 2011.  I have been cancer free since then. Cancer survival requires starting life over, in many ways, or picking up the pieces; re-evaluating and re-creating much of what was lost in those years of fight and illness.

I am sure other cancer survivors have experienced the same.  Fighting cancer consumes you.  You go through the days, the motions of being alive, but everything evolves around recuperating from the last treatment and then counting the days until the next one.  You feel foggy, tired, achy and out of sorts - that's the GOOD side, for some.  I know it could have been much worse -  I could have lost my hair, had complications from chemo, blood cell count issues AND at the end, it might not have worked at all!!

Then we lost our first grandchild - Lucy - she was anacephalic and did not survive much past birth.  I think her death took me equally long to recover from.

How very fortunate that I have been given TIME!  Time for gaining strength - emotionally and physically.  I had another setback as a result of scar tissue - it started to grow around my intestines - so yet another abdominal surgery in 2012.  But NOW I'm on the road. 

So, many changes in 2013 - I've sold my house, moved closer to New Orleans and started exercising at the Y.  AND I have a beautiful grandson (8 months)!! I am in love with this happy, adorable little boy!!

Dec 2013

I've found quilting and a community of wonderful people of like minds.  It has opened my world and it is helping me find something fun to grab on to!!  So at age 60, I now have an avenue for creating!  I'm so excited, you'll think I'm crazy.

Quilts started - a baby quilt for Lucy.  I just started cutting and sewing - it's wonky and wrong in so many places, no guidance, instructions or much knowledge at this point.  I've made the sandwich and have now started hand quilting.  The batting is too thick, but I'm persisting!

I also took a class in 2011 for hand piecing a sampler quilt.  That is also still in progress and have no photos of it yet.

Then I found Bonnie Hunter  - quiltville.blogspot.com.  I read her posts every day for months, read and watched and borrowed books - everything quilting.  I was so excited, but unsure where to start.  Bonnie has a Mystery Quilt that she blogs every year.  I decided to join in/DIVE in!  Every week for 5 weeks starting after Thanksgiving, she posted clues - instructions on making a piece of a block.  On New Year's eve, she posted the reveal.  I started sewing them together.  I have a long ways to go, but I think the colors and design are beautiful!!

Keep warm and safe, everyone!

Here's a quote that might help that "effort" problem - the joy of Being is the joy of being conscious. I can't remember where I read this in order to credit the writer. This will be an interesting exercise. I will be very conscious in each moment. This is not easy, it's almost like meditation -- the mind always wanders....

"It was her understanding, after all, that life was a matter of effort, renewed every day." Sue Miller from The Senator's Wife.

That sentence popped out at me -- it very succinctly described what life for me is now. Each day I wake up forcing myself to get dressed to go to a job that is monotonous and tiring. As I near age 57, I don't have the fearlessness to find new work. If I lose this job, there may not be another. Yes, every day is a renewed effort. And the looking forward is dimming....

I also realize that my life is shrinking. When we are young we dream of all the adventures we can have, the mountain hikes, the white water rafting trips, the backpacking through Europe experiences. And we DO them. At least I did. At almost 57, I can look forward to taking a bus tour of Europe or Australia or China. Maybe I can still ski, maybe I can't -- it's been 10 years. Oh, how about a cruise? That doesn't excite me or spell adventure AT ALL.

Now, I'm in bed by 10, because if I'm not, I am not able to work as well the next day. No more late night bar hopping, or late movie outings. I am ALMOST a senior - who goes to the restaurant at 5 p.m. to beat the crowds. I take painting classes - the ones where you paint the picture in one night? That's how exciting my life is.

I can't even THINK about retiring any more. That used to be something I looked forward to. Don't think I can afford it. Cancer has taken a chunk out of my savings as has a bad deal with my brother. And now, even staying in this lovely house of mine is in question. And will I be able to sell at a decent profit? Probably not.

Has corporate America succeeded in squeezing us middle Americans so hard that we have nothing to look forward to? I feel it. I have not felt secure since that company in Texas left thousands of workers without their 401Ks. Enron, was it? What's happened to them? Have they landed on their feet?

I'm thinking of moving to Canada. Will I freeze there in my advancing age? Or fall and break my hip on the ice? How about Mexico? Will I be able to make my little bit of money go farther? Or will Mexican drug lords rape and pillage or a hurricane sweep over my house?

My kids don't need me any more. As a mother, I am trying to adjust to not being the nurturer. Trying not to nudge and remind and cajole them to get their shit done - school, cars, jobs, insurance, pay their debts on time.... I"m sick of THAT job anyway! It is totally not rewarding and very stressful!!

I guess what I'm saying in summary is where has the zest gone? How do I get it back? How do I wake up EAGER for the effort of the day?

I must add, I am not depressed. I am very GRATEFUL for my life. I have survived stage 4 ovarian cancer, I have raised 3 pretty great kids who are just still finding their way, I have a lovely house in a lovely little town and a job that helps keep my little lifestyle. But it can't last, as my company is downsizing on this contract I am on and I am a likely candidate for the axe. I guess it is all making me prepare myself for the worst.

I'll know more on Thursday. If anyone has been here, done that and come out the other side, I'd love to hear...

Research and articles will be added as I either confirm my views on the squeezing of the aging middle class or find answers to my aging dilemma.